How to destroy a good relationship？

There are too many people focus on how to make a marriage work and tend to forget about ways on destroying a good relationship .

                                              [picture copyright belongs to Malaysia Divorce Lawyer]

Today, I am going to share with all of you my years of  experience as a Malaysia Divorce Lawyer. According to my observation, there are 4 ways to perfectly wreck up a good marriage i.e:-

A) Over Nagging

B)Negative behaviour

C)Defensive

D) Sharing your relationship issues to the wrong person

All 4 of them are basically derived from the typical Asians’ mindset and the culture that we have cultivated in our community for years.

1.Over nagging

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It is normal to have some expectations from our spouses.However, the over nagging behaviour would burst out whenever he/she couldn’t meet our expectations.

The typical “kiasuness”(scare to lose behaviour) among Asians will make things worse. As having  a comparison and competition is a culture among all of us . The game to justify the quality of spouses that we had chosen in our marriage is a mandatory game that we have had in everyone’s life. We would over criticise our life partner and express out our dissatisfaction towards them whenever we are in the heat. Nevertheless ,the discontentment from our part is from the “comparison” that have been playing around inside our minds for quite sometimes before we spill those words out from our mouths .

Usually, this is a bad behaviour among married couples, as many of them directly dried up their spouses’ confidence through over criticism and over nagging especially when things turn out in a way that is not within their expectations.

2.Negative behaviour

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According to researchers,  human beings would response actively more on being negative . This is something that has been implanted inside our DNA as all of us are obsessed on criticism than appreciated praises from our loved ones.

The impact caused by negativity behaviour would ruin you relationship badly by ways of affecting both parties’ emotions and mental health.

3.Defensive

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It is a reflective action to be defensive while being attacked .Therefore, we have to control ourselves to avoid a big fight . I know it is always easier to be said than to be done .

Well, we have to learn that nobody will not make any mistake in a relationship, but everyone of us has to learn to take responsibility instead of pushing the blame to your spouse.

4.Sharing your relationship issues to the wrong person

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This is the utmost important point that I would like to highlight here, as Asian people always share their relationship issues among friends. This topic which I personally think that it should be a private issue,  plays a part among any topics in our social conversations with friends and families.

Many marriage couples’ relationship had been destroyed by the negative thoughts and criticism given by the friends and family members.We always put their thoughts in priority.

Anyways, you can always open up a door to look for someone to listen to you or give you advice, but you have to make sure you are choosing a right person:) to avoid harm more than good.

Lot of love,

#Malaysia Divorce Lawyer

#马来西亚离婚律师

#relationship goal #relationship #marriage #Divorce 

If you have legal inquiry, please look for Malaysia Divorce Lawyer

Malaysia Divorce Lawyer Malaysia: WILLIAM FLORENCE & PARTNERS 马来西亚离婚律师 is a law firm located in Johor Bahru founded by WILLIAM LIM WEI LOON and FLORENCE TOH THE TENG

How did you ruin your relationship?

There are many ways to ruin a relationship and  a marriage , but there is a serial killer who had killed many great relationships inside the Family Court .

That is:-

This serial killer eliminated so many couples and ruined quite a number of families in a year silently with its own smartest strategics .

Social media knows us well especially Asian people. 

 * Show off * is a typical culture that we have had . While social media is a great platform for everyone to portray their good life,  all of us will fully utilise it by shaping up a * good side * of us to the public.

Social media has had an impact in our daily life  and made all of us become  addicted to its existence for more than a decade . 

During Valentine's day which is  supposed to be a good day for commercial purpose or a day to express the appreciation towards one's relationship privately has become a * show off * event to everyone of us in the eyes of the public😮.

Well,  when we come across  those pictures, some of us will know that it is impossible to  improve 2 parties' relationship by way of   uploading a romantic post to show to the public .However, this act has directly or indirectly  activated  the *kiasuness * (scare to lose behaviour) among the typical Asians.

Many of us would like to  compare "whose life is better?, "who is richer?, " "whose wife is better?" and "whose husband is more caring and loving?" . These are the questions that will pull your relationship and marriage to a critical condition .You will feel discontended and dissatisfied with your partner when you keep letting youself to dwell on those questions in your life .

As mentioned above, there are many divorce couples come to me and complain how bad their  marriage life is and some of them are going to look for somebody who can give them " more" in their life .

There are many ways for us to work out a relationship and marriage .One of the secrets is to put aside whatever *SHOW OFF * things in your social media.

Lots of love,

#Malaysia Divorce Lawyer

#马来西亚离婚律师

#Divorce #Marriage # Relationship #Relationship goal #Divorce Lawyer 

If you have legal inquiry, please look for Malaysia Divorce Lawyer

Malaysia Divorce Lawyer Malaysia: WILLIAM FLORENCE & PARTNERS 马来西亚离婚律师 is a law firm located in Johor Bahru founded by WILLIAM LIM WEI LOON and FLORENCE TOH THE TENG

Is it worth it to be a lawyer in Malaysia?

 

      [picture copyright belongs to Malaysia Divorce Lawyer] 

 In my generation, my parents would try their utmost best to keep emphasis on what is good or bad for me about my future. They kept imposing their values and thoughts on me from time to time ever since when I was 9 or 10 ten years old. I think my parents are the best promoters in this world! Congratulations to you if you have the same childhood as me :) 

                                              [picture copyright belongs to Malaysia Divorce Lawyer]

I was born in a super typical Asian family. I have always had a thought that if I could be a lawyer/doctor/accountant/engineer one day, then I may be one of those crazy rich Asians. This naive thinking had led and shaped me to who I am today. Sadly, even though I struggle from days to nights for 11 years in my dream job, yet I could not afford and earn as much as what used to be promoted by my parents while comparing to my peers in other industries.

Every year I feel scared to see the statistics. The number of lawyers in Malaysia kept increasing without any ways to make a full stop. According to the record, the number of lawyers in Malaysia from 2011, the following year after I enrolled myself in this legal profession till 2020:-

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increased around 6,145 within 9 years.

You may think that in one year, an increase of around 680 people in this industry is considered good enough if compared to other industries, but you should always look at the demand from the society in Malaysia towards lawyers nowadays.

You can observe the lifestyle of most lawyers in Malaysia in the 90s  and now to determine the demand from this legal profession:-

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the way the public look at lawyers in Malaysia:-

                                              [picture copyright belongs to Malaysia Divorce Lawyer]

The glam of this legal profession had faded away as time went by and the quality of life of legal practitioners shall take note before they impose their “valuable” thinking towards their kids.

I would like to stress that there is neither good or bad in everything and we must stop imposing values to our next generation as things can change any second.

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Changes are needed to cater the needs of a society or country from time to time.

It is hard for me to tell you why the demand of the lawyers is lesser nowadays in Malaysia from a blog post. Anyways, from the figures stated above, I am wondering if there are any alternatives to stop the numbers from increasing. The number of lawyers in our country will overflow and many lawyers will struggle days and nights. There is no system and no statistics to put a quota for all professions and services to serve the country/society. Therefore, if everyone goes for the “good“, then the whole industry will suffer.

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While many people flock into the same industry, then the industry will devalue inself and many of us will facing jobless.

Lots of love,

#Malaysia Divorce Lawyer

#马来西亚离婚律师

#relationship #divorce lawyer # marriage # divorce 

If you have legal inquiry, please look for Malaysia Divorce Lawyer

Malaysia Divorce Lawyer Malaysia: WILLIAM FLORENCE & PARTNERS 马来西亚离婚律师 is a law firm located in Johor Bahru founded by WILLIAM LIM WEI LOON and FLORENCE TOH THE TENG

Short term and long term success !

Do you ever think about this question in your life? 

Many people around me always tell me he/she wants to be a successful lawyer, doctor, or a businessman, but none of them could give me an answer when it comes to this question.

If you are not able to define success in your career, then why do you want to start up your own business or embark your career journey rashly at the first place?

Basically, I will categorise success to 2 sectors i.e.:

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I hereby regret to say that there are too many people focus on short term success to aim for a short-term profit instead of long-term success. Many of us are typical Asians who like to compete with each other. We always like to follow whoever shows us his/her fancy car and house to justify “success”.

This temptation and greediness shall directly blind fold our eyes, shut our minds and indirectly force us to follow their steps without thinking about 

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Therefore, we drag ourselves to a dreadful situation by giving out:-

Or

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Regardless in any professional services in Malaysia.

While all of us know vividly that by giving the above will lower down our net profit and we will drag everyone in the same industry to the red sea sooner or later.

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How are you going to survive yourself inside a big pool of bloody red sea in a long run together with all the debts that you have yet to settle?

This is the big problem in our society. Everyone of us will follow blindly without thinking about the consequences thereafter. This strategy will pull down our businesses/careers, and at the same time our society will fall very soon since all of us are lacking of

      [picture copyright belongs to Malaysia Divorce Lawyer]

In creating “value” in our businesses and careers, this pandemic is a wake-up call to all of us. We shall change our mindset and start creating “value” to embrace the upcoming changes and challenges in the new world.

This is the time for us to put aside those “old fashion” ways of creating unnecessary competitions to achieve short term benefits. Our duty is to be creative and innovative by upgrading our skills, polish our knowledge, devise a new strategic plan in our businesses by ways of upgrading the quality of our services and products to achieve a long-term success.

Lots of love,

#Malaysia divorce Lawyer

#马来西亚离婚律师

#离婚律师 #divorce lawyer

#离婚#婚姻

If you have legal inquiry, please look for Malaysia Divorce Lawyer

Malaysia Divorce Lawyer Malaysia: WILLIAM FLORENCE & PARTNERS 马来西亚离婚律师 is a law firm located in Johor Bahru founded by WILLIAM LIM WEI LOON and FLORENCE TOH THE TENG

How to make a marriage work ?

                                              [picture copyright belongs to Malaysia Divorce Lawyer]

As a divorce lawyer in Malaysia for more than one decade, too often I hear clients either tell me “I am trying very hard to save my marriage!” or “How to make a marriage work?”

Well, I am not a marriage counsellor and frankly speaking, I feel quite annoyed to Malaysians who always take for granted that a divorce lawyer shall give some advice on how to make a marriage work.

However, I noticed that none of them is able to answer me the following questions before they try to defend themselves and complain to me how difficult it is for them to communicate with their spouses:

1. Did you set any resolutions for this year?

2. Is “communicating effectively in your marriage" set as one of your resolutions for this year?

3. How many hours do you spend a week with your spouse?

4. Which day of the week is your family day?

5. How do you arrange the duty roster for household chores and taking care of the kids throughout week?

If none of you made an effort to work out something as simple and necessary as stated from items 1 to 5, then my next question to you is: Are you really trying very hard to save your marriage? Do you really ever try to make your marriage work?

Life is fun but it is never easy. Marriage is sweet but you need both parties to go through bitterness before it turns out to be sweet.

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It is an important life skill that everyone of us possess to learn to compartmentalise as much as all the important aspects (your career, family, health, etc). All of them are correlated that you have to keep learning to compartmentalise and ensure your life doesn’t crumble just because you failed to work out any one of the elements.

Besides that, there are too many roles for us to play in a day as it is never easy to fulfill these roles successfully without good planning by ways of scheduling our daily life.

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I hope this blog will give you a shed of light to make your marriage work.

Should you have yet to squeeze some time for your marriage in your new year  resolutions, it is never too late for you to set this new resolution now and you may visit my previous blog regarding new year, new goals, and new resolutions at: https://malaysiadivorcelawyer.blogspot.com/2021/01/have-you-set-your-2021-resolutions.html

Lots of love,

#Malaysia Divorce Lawyer

#马来西亚离婚律师

#marriage #divorce #relationship goal #LDR #Long Distance Relationship 

If you have legal inquiry, please look for Malaysia Divorce Lawyer

Malaysia Divorce Lawyer Malaysia: WILLIAM FLORENCE & PARTNERS 马来西亚离婚律师 is a law firm located in Johor Bahru founded by WILLIAM LIM WEI LOON and FLORENCE TOH THE TENG