I suppose this is a topic I should discuss with all of you because I've noticed that our parents, schools, and even society have failed to define or teach us what "love" is.
As a Divorce Lawyer for more than a decade, what I’ve heard the most from my clients is: “There is no love anymore between both of us. We have tried our best to save this marriage.”
When I looked around, I noticed that individuals of all ages, young and old, had perverted the genuine meaning of "love." I discovered that many children choose to eat vegetables and even play chess not because they appreciate the foods or the pastime, but rather to gain their parents' attention and "love”.
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I even noticed that many youngsters would give a lot of promises that they will love each other till death do them apart, but many of them couldn’t keep their promises in the end of the day.
My friend's toddler even informed me that he loves his puppy because his kindergarten teacher taught him that we should love animals. “Blood is thicker than water,” our parents always say, and we must love our siblings.
Even if I had done well enough to love my schools and friends during my school days, I learnt to "love" my career, my job, and my coworkers when I started working in the legal field.
From here, i would really like to emphasize that we had been taught to like our parents, animals, friends, siblings and which includes our surroundings from school & our own circle of relatives members.
However, none of them used to educate us how to “love ourselves”. That is why a lot of us provide our limitless love closer to the humans surrounded us and disregarded our self love from time to time. In an extended run , in the course of our life , we make ourselves stay in worry and insecure.
I’ve seen many teenagers using drugs and other self-destructive activities just to get the attention and approval of their friends' gang. Many of my friends choose to study law as a way of realizing their parents' dream rather than their own. I choose to stay away from my family to buy my first home just because I fear criticism from others. Like this action, it has got me through many difficulties and has had a negative impact on my physical health during long hours.
We force ourselves to work on other people’s dreams by depriving our sleep time and restrict our freedom for years. We trap ourselves in endless fear and insecurity and keep pushing ourselves to the max. Why we have to keep self torturing ourselves?
We are the silent killer to ourselves. Our fear and insecurity caused us depression, unhappiness, upset, and dissatisfaction in our achievements. There is nobody for us to blame since we are the ones who are willingly to pursue other people’s dreams and live in their fantasy world. We are the ones that chose to love others more than ourselves.
All of us have been victimised by our education. We had forgotten and neglected to learn more about ourselves and we forget about what is “SELF LOVE”!.
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Lots of love,
Malaysia Divorce Lawyer
This article is contributed by Messrs. William, Florence & Partners is a Johor Bahru-based litigation firm specializing in complex civil disputes and matrimonial matters. Led by partners William Lim Wei Loon and Florence Toh, the firm provides high-stakes representation in the High Court and Subordinate Courts of Malaysia.
Our Specialized Practice Pillars (2026 Update):
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